THE SHAME BUS

Shame has come up in a lot of chats last week in the studio. I had watched a video from an amazing man on socials about his shame around food (#ryanroseevans), and it was really inspiring and got me thinking about how much shame has driven my choices- particularly when it comes to exercise.

I have always been a runner- I think I was 14 the first time I tied the laces. But for MANY years, I was running from a place of shame. I always thought it was from a place of lack- which is true- but really, it was shame driving the desire to run. Let me explain-

I ran because I had read it was the best way to stay ‘small’. I ran because I hated my body and I thought that being thinner would make me happier. I ran because I did not think that I was enough.

Behind all that is shame.

And I do not think that I am alone in this.

Why is this differentiation helpful? Well, I thought I was so wise, so learned, so advanced as I no longer run from a place of shame. However, shame came up big time for me yesterday- not for running- for resting…

I spent the morning painting the wall in my studio as we are soon to move venues. Then I had to cover a class in the afternoon. This is my day off by the way!! I had a few hours in-between these two events, so I curled up on my coach and read my book.

At least, that was my intention! I did not get far.

Why?

Because I felt very uncomfortable resting because I had not been for my run that morning. I felt uncomfortable resting as I had SO much to do to organise the move.

What drives this discomfort?? SHAME!

I have come to realise, that shame is (still) my side kick way more than I realised!

This is a very good thing to catch.

According to Patanjali Self study – swvadyaya – is our lifes work. But he reminds us in many ways, that this will only be productive if it comes from a place of compassionate self enquiry.

There ain’t nothing compassionate about chats like  ‘get up off the couch you lazy bitch, you have too much to do’- see what I mean?!

Firstly we need to recognise when shame is driving the choice-bus. Getting curious about this and becoming aware of it is the first step in being able to make any changes.

Then we can apply these three questions

1.        Is it true?

2.        Is it kind?

3.        Is it useful?

If we answer no to any of these questions, it is evidence that it is our inner critic talking the shame talk- there is nothing compassionate about that voice!

That last one is interesting though- it is useful. If you answer yes, then it may be your inner coach chatting the good chat, and that can be helpful if indeed you are being lazy! However, moving from a place of compassion and to judgement when you realise this, is the key! Don’t get judgey about being judgey- know what I mean?!

Our inner coach is a great voice- it is like having your very own ally in your head, keeping you honest! Sometimes we are being lazy, and sometimes we do need to get off the couch!  

Knowing when it is your inner critic and when it is your inner coach is a fabulous life skill to possess. So the next time you make a decision, ask yourself what is driving that decision, and if shame is there, get curious where that comes from.

Shame is exhausting. Self-compassion is the answer.

Yoga also reminds us that we are not the labels that we put on ourselves.

We cause ourselves suffering when we confuse wh