YOU ARE NOT YOUR SUCCESSES OR YOUR FAILURES

I have been reflecting a lot recently on our (and by ‘our’ I mean mine….) attachment to the idea of success. When we succeed at something, we might say ‘I am successful”- making that success mean something about us.

But flip that, and it means we do the same with failure.

When I fail, I make it mean that I have failed. That I am a failure.

We could apply this to anything really -learning, healing, love- anything that has perceived levels of success and a failure to it.

I have recently joined online dating (5 days in, very much hating it right now!)- this is AMPLIFYING this feeling of failure and how personal I take it! When I get rejected (thanks Sam….) I make it mean something about ME. That I have failed because Sam didn’t like me. There are a plethora of reasons why I may not have floated Sams boat, but his rejection of me does not mean I am a failure! In fact it means nothing about me at all.

- see the difference?

** no shade on Sam, I wish him well!

So the same could be said of learning. When we learn something new, failure is just part of the journey. But if and when we fail, we make it mean that WE the learner are a failure, but when you are a learner, now can you be a failure, you are learning! Maybe I failed at applying that certain skill, but that language implies permanency, and if yoga teaches us anything, it is that nothing is permanent.

Your success is not permanent, and neither is your failure.

 In the yoga sutras, Patanjali references us as the Seer- the witness if you will.

द्रष्टृदृश्ययोः संयोगो हेयहेतुः
(draṣṭṛ-dṛśyayoḥ saṃyogo heya-hetuḥ)

“The cause of suffering is the mistaken identification of the Seer with what is seen.”
— Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 2.17

It is in this sutra, that he reminds us, that our true nature is not our thoughts, our titles, our jobs, our emotions, or our failures. He tells us that we cause ourselves suffering when we forget this!

So, the next time that you perceive that you have failed, that indeed you are the failure, maybe the best thing we can do is stand back and witness ourselves and the situation that we are in. Am I the failure, or have I simply failed at applying this thing I am trying do?

Can I perhaps see online dating as a failure, rather than me the consumer as the failure?!

I joke, online dating has helped many people… just not me… or currently Sam….

When we take the seat of the witness, we create a bit of space between us and the object that we are naming. It is in this space that we can truly learn, heal, grow, love. It is in this space that we can meet our truest selves.

Now please excuse me, I am off to go and rejected on Hinge one more time- wish me luck 🫣🤪